Starting out- THE LINE

OK- so you may have guessed from the previous post, I travel- don't know what gave that away huh?
One of the things that always amazed me- even in this day and age- are the people who just don't know how to pack and are ill prepared for the security lines.

One of the things that I find truly amusing are the people who try to "Jump the Line" In my home airport in Charlotte, there are four (4) separate areas to pass through security. Their names respectively are A,B,C and D security check points. The C checkpoint is my favorite because they have a line set aside for people like me- the preferred flyer. This line allows me to by pass the regular lines. It never fails that on Monday mornings (why anyone chooses to travel for pleasure on business travel Monday mornings is beyond me! but,-------- I digress) the line for C regular boarding is out the door with literally hundreds of people waiting to get through. Because of the preferred flyer line, I get to wiggle my way around the ladies with three carry on bags (yes that shoulder bag that could carry a Volkswagen is not considered a purse!) and jump past them into the my second wife's arms- the preferred line.
What- I earned it! Oh the stares and jeers that I encounter as I stride with pride through my line. "How dare he?" I have overheard on numerous occasions. I want to turn and say to them "I dare me because I have sacrificed my home life, my love life and my sanity to earn this spot- so back off bioootch!!" -- but I don't-- But my stare back does!! HaHa
Then, without fail you see the "line jumper" For those of you who have never met this spectacle of a human being- the line jumper is the person who thinks that when no one is looking; will jump under the pull back nylon rope of heard em in line direction or casually un-hook the end and casually stroll into my line- My Kingdom, My domain! "How Dare He?"

I have to tell you- I love these guys. they have a sense of accomplishment and think they are sending an FU! to the airline and the poor suckers who stand impatiently in line.

In walks the TSA! Now mind you, these guys couldn't point out a terrorist if they walked up to them with a sign around their neck saying that "Today is a good day to die- God is Great!" oh and "I hope my 27 virgins are hot!"
Well they sure as heck can grab my line jumper and put him in his place. Poor bastard. I love the TSA guys who let them work their way all the way up to the front only to say "Did you really think I was going to let you go through this line?" (Thank you Maurice for making my day last week!) "Sir you must go back to this line." "But--But!!" Line jumper pleads. DENIED!! Oh the shear embarrassment of being forced to go back to being 122 in line when you started out at 25. A lesson that Line Jumper probably will never learn- Oh well, at least we have a comedy routine - Thank you line jumper!!

Then we get to the conveyor and the body scan. (when they take my full body scan- do you think it will make me look skinnier?) I don't care if they full body scan me- I've got nothing to hide plus I like making the poor bastards envious and the female TSA blush- it a curse!
Anyways---- I am always scanning which line to go through as I approach. Remember- just because you entered on the left does not mean that you can't hit the scanner all the way to the right. I avoid the people who need more than 2 bins to haul their stuff. If you can't put your computer and phone in one, shoes coat and toiletry bag in the other- your screwed. I also avoid the traveler who has three shirts on and a jacket- nine times out of ten- they will go back and forth until they are almost naked because they "Just didn't know." I also avoid people who are on leisure trips- they are going to buzz a minimum of three times before they clear the metal scanner of death.
I go for the line where the guy is waiting to step up. He has his laptop in one hand with his toiletry bag and shoes, pulling his suitcase and has reached around and grabbed his TWO bins and is ready to roll. That is my traveler- prepared-unstoppable-knows what to do. This is the traveler who puts his bag through first, then his laptop bag, then the laptop bin and lastly his shoe bin.
In four bold moves after the scanner captures his inner most secrets- and then lets them pass anyways- he collects, packs and is strolling at a joggers pace away from the security line waving at line jumper outside as he leaves. Wait- I just described me!
Well the morale is- Be prepared, don't try to line jump and most importantly- if it won't go in two bins- you packed too much!!!

Until next time!

Charlie

The Air Traveler Blog

Hello,

Thank you for finding my blog!

This is the first installment of my blog on Air Travel Etiquette.

I wanted to do this because 1- I needed a venue to vent and 2- with all of the news surrounding air travel, security and such-- sometimes people still just don't get it!

A little about me so you know that I speak from true experience.

I am a frequent business traveler. By frequent I mean; I logged 150 flights last year on US Air alone and have earned over a million air miles in 5 years. I am a Chairman on US Air and Gold on Star Alliance. I am a Hilton Executive Diamond and a Hertz Gold Prefered.

I say this not as a bragging tool, but to show you that I am legitimate in my travel and traveling stories. I go from coast to coast!

I recently saw the new movie "Up In The Air' with my wife, yes I am home from time to time, and I realized that I lived that life- minus picking up girls in hotel bars. That was BEFORE I got married ;) sorry hun! She knows all the stories!

I come across issues daily that amuse me, infuriate me and sometimes leave me scratching my head.

I was talking with my co-workers one day about all these issues that surround the air lines, us- the frequent flyer's and the people who are oblivious to life going on around them and thought "I should write about this stuff- people need to know what is going on out there." So why not start here- after all it's free and if nobody reads it- I am not out any money!

Check back from time to time as I will try and update this regularly with amusing tales - yes the mile high club really exists- as well as the shear tragedies of the countless- clueless people- hint 3 oz or less!! you know who you are! Tips for traveling and time saving steps to ensure that your trip is fun, safe and enjoyable. I might even throw in a restaraunt review from time to time for good measure.

Welcome and I hope you enjoy your time!

Charlie